Why do we wait so long to sort things out before they get out of hand?

This patient had waited too long to go to the hospital and now was in a bad way and I mean really REALLY bad. I too was in a situation were I was concerned that I had something wrong with me. I sat and waited for months, picturing my death, marrying my husband off to a suitable mother figure for Rooster- there were even tears as I thought of this. Unlike the poor patient, had waited in vane and after going to get things sorted realised I’m fine. But why did I have to sit worrying for so long without doing something about it?

What does all of this have to do with a haircut? Well, my Rooster is now 17months and had not had a haircut since he was born. He had started looking a little like Einstein but to me that was o.k.- smart kid looks like a smart guy and his curls were cute! Then we had Einstein mixed with a bit of Bob Marley with some dreads  from the way he sleeps. Love Bob’s music but not the do. Seriously, it’s just hair, it grows back. But I found I had some attachment to this hair. As if cutting  was cutting away my little baba and now he’s a big boy that needs haircuts from his dad (who did a superb job by the way). I filmed the whole thing, wanted to catch every lock and cringed with every scissor snip.

Now that it’s cut he looks cuter than ever!

It’s clear: time to “go and do and not sit and stew!” (John Bytheway)

You see, Rainbow ice-cream is a mix of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry (all yum) and then lime (not so yum) ice-cream. Dish up a bowl, it’s ice-cream so you’re naturally excited but then you hit the green lime parts and your whole ice-cream experience just seems tainted. You notice the green even more as it starts to melt and mix with the other flavours. As this begins to happen, it seems that all you can taste is the green and suddenly the other flavours don’t taste the same anymore.

This was similar to my first year. It didn’t take long to get used to the three flavours and I already loved chocolate ice-cream. I would try and scrape around the lime so that I wouldn’t get it but that wouldn’t work because then I’d just get upset as I tried so hard to remove the green.Eventually I realised, it’s best just to try another ice-cream flavour. One that you both like! That’s when year two rolled around and it was cookies and cream from then on!

Much like the pre-marriage and the first year were the first six weeks with my little one. The pre-baby stage is all about the birth. How is this bundle going to get out of the oven. We read, search, speak to professionals about the birth. Caesar, natural, natural, epidural? Another pre-birth topic is the baby room. What colour, what fabric? Do I go blue, pink or neutral? The birth is sometimes not how you planned or expected but the bundle arrives.  There’s so much to love about this little bundle- but there’s also a lot of lime!

Even for those to whom motherhood comes terribly naturally, your breasts are tender, you have to worry about whether they are producing enough. Bottle or breast, BOTTLE OR BREAST?  But the antenatal woman says breast and the pediatrician says bottle. AHHHHHH! There’s sleep deprivation which is a blog post on its own: one day feels like several days because you can’t remember when you last changed out of your pj’s. The crying, the pooping, the spewing! But…then the bundle smiles after six long weeks and “ding” I’d like a bowl of cookies and cream please?!

What’s fun to think back on now, is the superwoman complex I seemed to have at the beginning of both marriage and motherhood. I had to try and cook and clean, save the world too just show the world I CAN be a wife/mom. I really hope that “PJ power” doesn’t come back the second baby round.

As I read and hear about those who are nearing the altar or the birth bed, I’m reminded of those times. They really made me stretch myself but I got through it and for those who are nearing or in it, so will you!

Forest Gump was wrong- Life is like a bowl of Rainbow ice-cream.

Starting with those a little further down the food chain:  my husband has become an avid gardener especially in the large veggie garden at church and my son and I have become avid tag-alongs. We had noticed the bird life in the area, especially so ever since my son makes a hadida sound every time he hears a bird. We noticed these two love-birds, plovers. You could tell these two just adored each other the way they would follow each other around and protect one another from the mini human that kept on wanting to catch up with them, making rather strange noises. The next visit we noticed spring had sprung and they had their own “mini-me” to protect and scurry around. Unfortunately with life and nature as it were, we find the things we want to protect the most are more vulnerable. This mother plover stood vigilantly  next to her deceased baby and wouldn’t move.  When we came near, it would try distract us away. My heart was so sad for this little thing. I couldn’t help imagining my own response in the loss of my little one.

Then there’s a guy I used to know who lost his daughter in a freak accident. She was four. How do you cope with having a little body running around one day and the next day they’re not there. They’ve left a black hole. How does a mother wake up in the morning and continue on after something like that happens. Surprisingly they have. They seem to be working  on this bringing them closer together as a family instead of tearing them apart. Still it must be hard.

I then bumped into a mother who has a cancer suffering son. He’s in hospital in critical condition after being the most active and bright young man. How does a mother deal with that? This women then had the audacity to ask how I was. Who cares about anyone else when you’re going through something so HUGE!?!

These are just a few examples of the “it’s just nature” that I don’t like and wish there was a refresh button where all the hurt and pain could disappear. However, these creatures make me look at my life with my little Rooster and the Husband with a greater perspective of how the world should be, how I should act and how I must care!

We were lucky to get a lunch box at the beginning of the year in my younger days. Being a family with four kids and with limited budget at the time, once that lunch box was misplaced, misused or mangled, that was it. No more lunch box. Sandwich wrap was it. This meant my sarmies were vulnerable to being squashed somewhere between my history book and my homework diary.

At my primary school, those “responsible” learners could help out in the tuckshop. Oh, how grateful I was that my friend’s mom worked in the tuckshop and I would have a run at this tuckshop responsibility thing. The draw-card was those who worked, got a free hotdog and a packet of monster munch. (I think I’ve just realised where my love for hotdogs comes from.)  On the free hotdog days, mom’s homemade sandwiches were less appealing and therefore found themselves at the bottom of the suitcase and who remembers to take out those sandwiches every time they land up there? Let’s just say that when on the odd (sometimes not to odd) occasion when lunch was forgotten, it was not pretty! There were times when I didn’t want to take the leftover lunch out because I knew my mom was a busy lady and I felt bad for abusing her kindness of making my sandwiches which I never ate. Other times I just didn’t want to get into trouble.  So in the suitcase they stayed. 1 day, two day, three day, green day!

Husband doesn’t do the same but as I opened his breakfast box today to clean it, yet again, after a long day in his hospital bag, I was reminded of green day…

I had gotten to this play park quite early in the morning seeing as my little rooster had to be up crowing at dawn so we were ready for the day quite early. I was the first  to arrive. Later, two mothers arrived who had clearly made a prior arrangement to meet. They were followed by another two with their kids who had done the same. What I was amazed with was the fact that both of these pairs were able to sit and have their beverages and snacks with little fuss from their kids. The kids played while Mummy had a cuppa! Here I was, majorly involved in play with my kiddo thinking, there’s little chance I would be able to chill while sipping back on something yummy. I realised I wouldn’t be able to do it because my boy wouldn’t be used to it. This is where the questioning and comparisons began.

This was my delema: where is the line between being a good mom and being too involved?

Both the husbando and I had made sacrifices to provide for the little rooster when we found out he was on his way and so I take being a mom seriously seriously. Usually my day and activities in the day are centered around interacting and working with my little one and the little routine we try to work with. I know this is the same with many moms. I usually do anything that I need to get done at a convenient time for him because it is less disruptive for us all. I generally don’t do the things that interest me while he’s awake or when dad’s not around. Rooster helps when I have to do things around the house or else generally keeps himself busy. There are moments when he plays by himself during the day but mainly we do things together. I used to think this was normal. Is it?

So my cloud is where I’m at now- involved, love playing with my bubsey, I’m basically his friend. The soft place is where I remain involved yet let him learn to become independent.

The verdict is in- I’ve made my decision: My heart says, he’s going to become independent anyway- enjoy the play time together, you’ll have tea later and then you’ll wish you were busy with your boy again.

As he approaches three though, I cannot help but feel a sense of “is it really all over?” He is out of nappies, hasn’t had a bottle or dummy for ages but until now when people ask me how old he is, I still love to say he is two. Two means a baby, a little toddler, still in need of all the comforts that a baby has but with more freedom. Three is a WHOLE new ball game, I have no more reasons to be part of “baby clubs” or talk about teething woes, he is passed that and I cannot help but wonder where did the past 7 years of babies go? I am sure you have also found parents of teens and young adults saying, “Enjoy your children when they are young because they grow so quickly”. When you are in the thick of sleepless nights, potty training and tantrum analyzing, it’s hard to believe that life will ever be different, and yet here I am saying the same thing- where did the time go?

I am reading an inspiring book on training and teaching children and all I can advise for those in the thick of things is this: do your best, laugh more with your children because it really is true, before you know it your last child will be turning 3 and you will be lying in bed asking yourself, “how is this all over so quickly?”.

I think you know where I’m heading with this…My darling boy has now moved from having only one nap in the day. At first I had the “first break being cancelled” feeling. He would sleep for an hour maybe and then would be tired for another nap at about 4: 30pm. Anyone putting their kid down at that time is in for a long evening. But after he slept for 2hours 45 min on his first “one nap day”- I’m thinking- wooooohooooo for one nap! That day I was able to put on a load of washing, dye my hair, shower and here’s the biggie: READ! Yes, for about 15 uninterrupted minutes, I read. Ah, the joy and I peace I felt at that time.

I’ve now come to know the joys of one nap in the day. My cherub sleeps anything from one hour to two and a half  during the morning.  During this time I do the most important things first that will create a smoother afternoon time. I cook because I find cooking time usually coincides with cranky time which creates crabby mom and a crying kid. By moving cooking early- I feel supper is less of a burden and we have a happier home. Next on my list is either hanging or taking down washing. There’s always washing. There are only three of us and yet I have to do two loads on some days just to make it through the week. Thereafter, I do various tasks that need to be done- but I do them quickly so that I can have some “Golden time”. This is the part where every inch of my body lets out an “ahhhhhhh” as I sink in a chair, fall on a bed or place my hands in the same position they are in now. I read somewhere that you will be more willing and able to survive the second leg of the day and actually enjoy it if you’ve had a moment. Most of the time I find it quite ironic that as I hit the good spot on the pillow where the drool has agreed to settle, I hear the ever-familiar movements of the cot. I always wait to hear whether my luck is in and maybe my boy will decide to hit the snooze button. Then I hear ” Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Maaaaa, Ma, Ma, Daaa, Daaad, Maaaam. This is usually followed by a hide and seek game. Funny how I seem to find my boy every time. I’m good!

Overall, one nap time is a good experience. The best part I have yet to mention:  Not only is first break longer but school gets out early. With second break canceled, it means we can leave early. My cherub is eager to hit the sweat absorbent blanket and I get bumped up to “Platinum time”! YEAH!

Yesterday at “Wiggle Worms” I was surprised to learn, yet again, how similarly different parenting is. I use this oxymoron because although “every star is different and so is every child” there are so many instances that connect parents particularly mothers. My husband can never understand how I can sit on the phone to a friend for almost an hour and talk about the similarities of our situations (her son is only two weeks older than mine) and not be totally bored. Of course I respond with one of my mother’s many notable quotables: bored people are boring. This sidesteps an attempt to explain the unexplainable. I don’t know why we can talk for hours about our everyday experiences as if it’s the latest must- see movie. It’s just what connects us mothers and also convinces us that we’re either doing a great job  in comparison to others or not enough.

The topic of yesterday’s “mothering murmurs” was how Dads mostly get the no nonsense, go to sleep monsters and we get the winy, wakeful angels.  I remember in my pre-marriage days (yes I can still remember those) a young mother saying that when her husband looked after her kid, the husband could get work done, have a shower, mow the lawn, watch telly, you name it- yet when mummy’s home she’ll be lucky to put her bag down as she enters the door.

The fault does lie with us, doesn’t it? Children know they can use guilt with us whereas they know their fathers know no such thing. That’s a joke. I have a wonderful husband and don’t like to boy banter. (So I do it subtly with jokes. Hehe) The example that was shared at this music class was how the child wakes up constantly when the mother puts her down but when the father comes to town/ nursery, she sleeps. No problem. I know her pain because I have had a similar situation. Fortunately my husband came to the rescue and I could sleep- actually, we all could then. My darling toddler knows somehow that if he just cries one more time there’s a chance with mom, that “she’ll feel bad and give me one last cuddle/ sip of juice/bottle fill. Why? BECAUSE SHE’S EXHAUSTED AND SHE’LL PRACTICALLY DO ANYTHING JUST TO HAVE REST- MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ”

Raise your hand all of you who agree. Those who have never experienced this problem, quietly exit this page- no comments are required because we don’t want to know your lack of problem exists. Lastly, lets salute those who do it on their own and don’t have the option of dad saving the day! SALUTE!

I made two major observations at this fare. The first was the excitement on several “fairies” faces as they purchased goods for their oven buns. I observed this, with eyes that remember the feeling of wanting to purchase or acquire any product that was going to make my babe look cute, feel comfortable, become smart or make me look cute, feel comfortable or become a smart mommy- despite the pregnancy porridge brain. I also noted the moms pushing prams who had mastered the “no thank-you” nod as they were approached by sales people. They were there for business, come in, get the free stuff, get the cheap stuff, watch the Barney Show and then head on out.

That brings me to my next observation. (I said there were two) If babies and toddlers could vote, Barney the Purple Dinosaur would be president of the world. I have never experienced such baby hysteria. Hundreds and hundreds of kids shouting for Barney, cheering, clapping, singing for Barney. Of course my little one would not be one of these followers. He would not succumb to the catchy tunes and cheerful characters. He would be different.

Ok, ok. I admit. My son was no different. He clapped, head bobbed, danced and looked at me countless times as if to question me as to why I had been keeping this “Barney” away from him for so long. It was amazing to witness how thoroughly entertained these children were. More than this was the enjoyment that the parents got out of the Barney show too.

It seems like Barney is part of many a happy family!

What I have learned in a year…

The Early Days…

• Having your waters break for the first time brings on the strangest wave of emotion and it feels like you and your husband are the only human beings that count at that moment- you know something great is about to happen.
• Contractions are indescribable.
• You can hold still for an epidural.
• Epidurals are wonderful.
• Caesars aren’t as bad as I imagined.
• Your Gynae becomes part of the family for a moment.
• No matter what gunk you see on your freshly born child- he’s beautiful.
• The hospital stay is not as happy as being at home- and here I asked for an extra day in the hospital which was not the greatest idea.
• Being a mother is like a day in England: you can have all seasons in one day… serenity, anger, calm, irritation.
• Breastfeeding really takes work!
• Somehow you cope with very little sleep.
• It’s never to early to start teaching.
• Sometimes you can’t fight the desire to be superwoman: beds made, dishes done, dinner on the table, newborn baby peaceful but…you need to take the next day off to recover.
• You love it when people stop to admire your little one.
• Sometimes Dad just has to take over- you haven’t failed as a result!
• Your body is not the most comfortable outfit. It just doesn’t seem your size.
• Being outdoors is great therapy.
• You photograph everything.
• Your baby loves you! Can’t do without you! YOU!

After the early days:

• People forget you’re still new at this.
• Although life has changed, it’s still life and it’s pretty cool!
• You start having fun with your little critter.
• Baby starts showing great love for his dad- he’s allowed too!
• You want to put every other sick child in quarantine.
• Your baby will live if he eats grass, sand and dog food.
• You don’t have to begin feeding him on the day of 6 months. Babes survive even if it’s before or after.
• Your cupboards are never going to be the same again.
• You take photos a lot.
• Your heart feels warm frequently!
• It’s difficult making a sandwich with one hand, but you learn.
• Sometimes the moaning is just too much- GRRRRRR.
• Not all food must be mush for a baby to consume.
• Not all choking sounds need the Heimlich- babies are pretty good at dislodging food.
• The “What to Expect in the First Year” book series does not have all of the answers.
• People will always ask “why is he crying?”
• Some good answers to “why is he crying?”… he’s tired, I think he’s coming down with something and my personal favourite, I don’t know!
• You can be very much in love with your husband and be a mother- they both take time and effort.

The Mobile Days…

• Babies tick to their own mobile clock.
• You get a very good thigh-butt work out when he needs to hold your fingers to walk.
• No matter how much he loves walking, he still loves to be held.
• Just when you thought he couldn’t get any cuter…
• HELLO PERSONALITY!
• Disciplining starts sooner then you would imagine.
• Books, books and more books.
• Repetition, repetition, repetition.
• They’re so quick now, you often miss photo opportunities.
• I love routine.
• A break from routine is great!
• The outdoors is a great teacher.
• Everything that is up, must come down.
• I have eaten some really soggy things…hey, I want him to learn to share don’t I? It comes at a price.
• Dads are naturally fun- I bet that’s why we married them.
• It’s so natural to want to compare.
• You need reflexes like a cat.
• I prefer taking a break instead of needing a break.
• How did this happen…I’m a mother to an almost one year old!!!!!