Stuck Between a Cloud and a Soft Place.
By Bronwyn in 
Yesterday it was raining here in the fair Cape and so I thought introducing my little munchkin to an indoor play park would be amusing for him. This outing was not as succcessful as I had hoped seeing as I came away doubting my mothering. Once again, when faced with the mothering of other mothers, I seem to instantly begin the comparisons. As I’ve mentioned before, this seems to come naturally. In my observation and comparison, I realised that my mothering life seemed more complicated than others. Let me explain…
I had gotten to this play park quite early in the morning seeing as my little rooster had to be up crowing at dawn so we were ready for the day quite early. I was the first to arrive. Later, two mothers arrived who had clearly made a prior arrangement to meet. They were followed by another two with their kids who had done the same. What I was amazed with was the fact that both of these pairs were able to sit and have their beverages and snacks with little fuss from their kids. The kids played while Mummy had a cuppa! Here I was, majorly involved in play with my kiddo thinking, there’s little chance I would be able to chill while sipping back on something yummy. I realised I wouldn’t be able to do it because my boy wouldn’t be used to it. This is where the questioning and comparisons began.
This was my delema: where is the line between being a good mom and being too involved?
Both the husbando and I had made sacrifices to provide for the little rooster when we found out he was on his way and so I take being a mom seriously seriously. Usually my day and activities in the day are centered around interacting and working with my little one and the little routine we try to work with. I know this is the same with many moms. I usually do anything that I need to get done at a convenient time for him because it is less disruptive for us all. I generally don’t do the things that interest me while he’s awake or when dad’s not around. Rooster helps when I have to do things around the house or else generally keeps himself busy. There are moments when he plays by himself during the day but mainly we do things together. I used to think this was normal. Is it?
So my cloud is where I’m at now- involved, love playing with my bubsey, I’m basically his friend. The soft place is where I remain involved yet let him learn to become independent.
The verdict is in- I’ve made my decision: My heart says, he’s going to become independent anyway- enjoy the play time together, you’ll have tea later and then you’ll wish you were busy with your boy again.
Well done Bronwyn. You sound like an EXCELLENT mommy.
Good choice Bron, as long as he has those moments when he is learning to be occupied on his own with something that interests him then you are on the right track! The difference between your child and those other children is that when they are injured or in need of something they will go to whoever is around because from this young age they know that mom is “busy” so I need to find anyone who will solve my problem or watch me do something new and exciting. Your boy will look for your approval and your help,it can be exhausting at times but you are just laying a foundation for him that is teaching him that mom is who I can turn to when I need to, and isn’t that enough to make all your efforts worth it?!